How to act when you first contact/visit a Dominatrix.

We’ve all been new at something, it makes us feel nervy, unsure and sometimes feel really out of our depth. Seeing a Professional Dominatrix is no different, in fact its worse! You are contacting a (at first) perfect stranger and attempting to share some of the most intimate and private parts of yourself. Your fantasies, desires, and secret fetishes… utterly terrifying, I get it! But there is no need to feel panic or fear, because what is so great about visiting a Professional Mistress is that they are the Pro. They have most likely experienced, seen or at the very least heard it all.

That’s why you’re going to a Pro Domina, because they are the ones you can trust, without any judgment or shame, to share your inner most desires. They will guide you, show you empathy, care and discipline. You can finally feel free to explore your sexual and sensual desires. That is what we are here for. Shared experience and exploration. You should end up having the most amazing, trusting relationship with this person, so how do you start? How can you make sure you start off on the right foot and don’t piss off a disciplinarian?

Simple common sense will get you extremely far. Be polite, be concise. Don’t be rude and don’t waste their time. If you are unsure if you can afford a session, inquire first about their costs and don’t bother Her if you already know you cannot afford Her time.

When you contact a Domina, ask yourself, what are you really looking for? If it’s just a hot woman in lingerie or latex then you might be better suited to a kinky escort. If you want to be dominated, put in your place, relinquish your responsibilities and totally submit to the whims of an all powerful, completely unattainable Female Supreme – then you might be on the right course.

Do a little research in your area, who is local or travel-able to, then consider the things you’re interested in and the kind of Domination you think you want (strict, stern and cold or sadistic, hypnotic and sensual?) and see if those are a match to the Domina’s you are reading about. You may need to go further afield or, if instantly enamored by someone, contact her politely and ask if She can cater to your needs.

Flattery won’t get you anywhere with Mistresses – we know we look amazing, we know we are supreme (especially to you) and we know men want to serve under us. But we didn’t contact you for personal slave duties so you can be 100% sure that we do not want or need your flattery or offers of free service. A Dominatrix is Her own boss and She is Her first priority, asking for kink for free in the guise of service is a massive faux pas and a red flag. Our time is a luxury, to everyone. If you want some of that time to be focused on you, you have to pay for it. Flattery and words do not pay for dungeon rental, latex wardrobes, high heels or expensive dungeon furniture/toys, so don’t expect your flattery to do anything other than tire you out. Want to get Her attention? Book a session, pay the deposit. Show up on time and be respectful, gracious and clean. Or you can simply buy Her a gift card or send a tribute tip – all of these things let Her know you’re serious and not a time waster. Do this and be guaranteed you won’t be disappointed or ignored.

When you finally reach the point of meeting your new Goddess, arrive on time and arrive clean. Douche or enema if you have any inkling that you will engage in or ask for internal play. Ask questions and do not assume. This is your first meeting, She might be a professional Mistress but that doesn’t mean she is a mind reader. If you are unsure of something or do not understand a command, ask. She will be pleased you are extending such consideration to your session.
Bring a gift if you want, but be sure to check or ask beforehand what She would like (for example, I cannot stand un useful or wasteful things, if you bring Me a gift it better be useful, from my wish/toy list or My favorite chocolate!)

Aside from all this and being on time, do not dawdle at the end of your session. Many Mistresses like Myself are more than happy to engage in some supplementary aftercare/questions via email after a session with a polite and respectful submissive. But, we have a schedule to stick to, a play room and toys to clean, disinfect, dry and re-organise. We don’t put out feet up eating grapes at the end of your session, we keep working for at least an HOUR (yet another reason why when you pay for a session it is expensive….)! So be prompt on arrival and exit, along with the rest and see the respect and acceptance grow in your Mistresses eyes and your bond with her begin to grow.

Important points to remember:

  • Do your research (understand your own and your potential Mistresses interests)
  • Communicate clearly, politely and concisely when you contact any Mistress.
  • Do not waste our time any more than you want your time wasted.
  • Dungeon rental costs don’t pay themselves with promises – pay a small deposit to secure your time.
  • Arrive on time and arrive CLEAN.
  • No dawdling post session, remember your Mistress still has an hour of cleaning etc after you leave!
  • Make an effort to show you are not a time waster – book a session, pay the deposit or send a gift and get noticed!

2 thoughts on “How to act when you first contact/visit a Dominatrix.

  1. I’ve been fantasizing about a dominatrix session for quite a while now but haven’t yet mustered up the courage to go through with it. This article makes me feel more at ease about contacting a pro-domme so thank you for that. I’ll have to make it my new year’s resolution to finally step inside the world of bdsm.

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