How to deal with shame around kink/sex?

Whenever a human being attempt to learn something new or divert away from their comfort zone, stress and anxiety can be triggered as it goes against our survival instinct to stick with what we know.   To stay safe and secure.  Moving city, relearning to improve job prospects, starting a new relationship or ending a long one all induce a stress response because suddenly, we are not in our safe zone, where predictable outcomes can be counted on.  Shame is also something that can pop up when we are trying something new or challenging the status quo.  Which is natural when you think about what causes the stress and anxiety response – fear.  Fear of failure, fear of not fitting in, fearing that we won’t quite make it, fear of what others might think…  We feel especially shameful when we worry we might not succeed and more often than not, we are extremely fearful that others won’t accept or understand us.  

Social acceptance plays a bigger part in our decision making than most of us would like to believe.  And when that social acceptance is threatened, our sense of who we are and where we belong in this world, can be completely thrown into question.  Nothing like poking the ego with a stick that says ‘loser’

So its’ no surprise that when we start thinking about being adventurous sexually, that sense of social acceptance gets a little twitchy.  Is what we are fantasising about,  ok to fantasise about?  Am I normal for thinking I might like to try x, y or even z?

I often wonder why is it, that what we do (or want to do) in the privacy of our own sex lives, is even a topic we worry about being socially acceptable.  To Me, what we do privately, be it hobby’s or sexual interests, are private and shouldn’t need a stamp of approval from society, but realistically I know that our sense of self is so tightly intertwined with our connection to society, that the things we do in private, in our heads, are something we feel we might have to answer for.

The reasons why we feel shame or need acceptance are obviously very layered, but I think there are a couple of obvious culprits as to why in particular ,the very private part of our lives, our sexual interests, require such introspection and air of acceptance.  Why is what society thinks about our sexual desires so connected to our ability to accept them within ourselves?

Sex and sexuality is something most western societies have really buggered, in the least fun meaning of the term!  How much of our media, advertisements, art etc is overtly and sometimes overly sexualised yet openly discussing the ins and outs of safe, enjoyable sex is considered this huge tricky, often icky, point of contention?  Why should having frank conversations about sex, like asking a new partner when they last had a sexual health screen or talking with your children about the reproductive and pleasurable sides of sex make so many of us feel awkward and even shameful?

There is a massive disconnect with how much sex is used to titillate with how taboo of a subject it still is.  If people are still weird about using the word ‘tampon’ and ‘condom’ out loud in a supermarket thinking its something embarrassing but a quick scan over the tabloid front pages reveals scantily clad, oiled up 20 somethings promoting the latest season of shows like Love Island, we may be getting a bit of a confusing message about sex.  (Lest I not even mention the way sex sells but god forbid a woman trying to monetise that herself…)

So we as a group of people, are somewhat confused by what is ok when it comes to sexy stuff.  We can vie for attention using our bodies but don’t talk about periods because they are ‘gross’.   Tabloids and news shows feature peoples sex lives as front pages stories but how many young women feel they should be coy about asking a guy if he brought condoms with him?  We aren’t given any real education about the pleasurable sides to sex and then our adult lives is filled with sexual banter that we aren’t quite sure how to navigate because of the conflicting information about what’s ok and what’s embarrassing.  We are so very worried that someone will laugh at us that it stops people from asking questions and learning.

Being inexperienced is something men can be so ashamed about that instead of asking friends or potential partners questions or asking for tips, they bash their way through their 20’s and beyond thinking, if they just keep banging away, they will magically become great at it (they don’t)   Partners that have gone through life too embarrassed to ask questions, before during and after sex, are generally sexual partners that are not very good at it.  

It shocks Me that most couples are still too shy to sit naked on the bed and have a chat while fondling each other, asking questions while putting fingers and toys into places to see what works.  Too many people don’t get the freedom to have a giggle during sex or have it feel explorative instead of linear.  Sex for humans is meant to be fun but how many people still don’t have the confidence or freedom to add toys and discussion to it?   We are still joking about men finding the clitoris for christ sake!

The other reason why I think shame can be so connected to discussions about kinky sex is mostly already covered but it’s more to do with the ‘what if?’ aspect of sharing something taboo. What if what I want is silly?  What if the things I want to try make me a bad person?  Is there something wrong with me as a man, for wanting to spank a woman?  Is there something wrong with me as a man, for wanting to be spanked by a woman?  

Seeing as we are taught almost nothing about sex as a pleasurable past time and we’ve only just collectively started to have honest conversations about orgasms, good sex, gay sex, safe sex etc (its been a bombshell to some men how rarely heterosexual women come to orgasm) its no wonder we aren’t on sure ground when we want to be a little adventurous.  If we are embarrassed about even talking about our own orgasms or sexual health, then anything outside of the ‘norm’ is going to feel mighty weird and maybe too scary or embarrassing to even bring up.

This is why BDSM is so important to Me and I was inspired to share My kinky side as a professional Dominatrix because I realised that with kink based sex, you have to talk.  Both before, during and after.  You have to know what your partner likes, has experience with and wants to try.  And you have to share those things about yourself too!  You have to be honest if its only your third time naked in front of someone, or if you’ve never had anything up your butt.  The depth and layers within BDSM force us to be as honest as we can in these moments, not just to keep it safe but otherwise it just wouldn’t work.  Basic hetero sex might be do-able mutely ignoring each other and just putting the things where they ‘go’ but sex with kink aspects isn’t as simple as penis in vagina, there are a thousand things to try before even thinking of penetration.  Tfcfcfffcccco dance with that kind of bag of tricks (or bag of dicks 🙂 you have to talk about it because none of us can do this telepathically.  

Not only does sex (vanilla included, probably even more so) improve when we start getting used to talking during and about it, but it starts to peel away at those layers of shame you may have felt when those urges, desires and ideas first popped up.  Having a laugh in bed while you try to figure out which way the puppy gloves go on is such a great way to melt away the fear of what it might be like to pretend to be a puppy in front of someone.

But what happens when you don’t have a partner who is already wanting to explore kink?  What if you’re single and the thought of explaining to a Tinder date that you bought a chastity cage and are dying to try it out, makes you feel too terrified to even feel sexy?

My views on removing shame from kink is a two pronged attack.  First, you’ve got to get educated.  Not through porn because most BDSM is not represented well at all in mainstream porn.  

Start with books like The New Bottoming and The New Topping by Dossie Easton.  Get on the internet and have a search for ‘BDSM etiquette’, ‘BDSM history and subcultures’ etc.  Be specific in your searches so that you are looking for learning texts, not just vosia; stuff to get off on.  Once you find some of these wonderfully curated resources, search their directories for the kink(s) that have been piquing your interest.  Read as much as you can so you know what is involved and how to properly share what parts of said activity you like and which parts you don’t think you’ll like (because both are as important as each other, when you get to the point of discussing with a potential kink-mate.)

Once you’ve read some educational material, then its time to look for BDSM centric porn around the things you’re into.  The best way to do this is not pornhub because it’s mainstream folk bashing out what they think BDSM kink is.  Your best bet is to find reputable, well established Dominatrices online (Twitter, google) that make and sell BDSM clips/porn.  They are going to be the best to represent realistically, what kink elements like anal training, sensory deprivation, sissification, chastity and orgasm denial/ruined orgasm play is really like.  This is educational (and hot) porn to enjoy, learn from and realise, you’re not the only weirdo into this stuff.  That it can be done beautifully, safely, consensually and mind blowingly well.  That you are allowed to want these things and there are people on your screen, showing you ideas of how it might be done.

(Just remember that even Pro Mistress porn isn’t a blueprint, its just how that particular Mistress likes to enact those kinks and some of it is curated for the kinky masses.  Use it as horny educational material to break down any shame around the act, not as a script for what you take to your partner or Mistress)

This step is vital in helping deal with shame associated with new kinklings, because more often than not, that thing you want to try that makes you feel super weird and you’re sure nobody else would ever want to do that and ‘oh my god am I a weirdo for liking FEET?!’  

But once you start to read up on what encompasses BDSM or where and how your particular ‘thing’ starts and can end, you realise there are literally thousands or other people who are not only into it, but have spent the time writing educational articles to help you understand and others filming it in dungeons to help you get off on it.  Not only is it not ‘weird’ or something only you could possibly be into, its something being articulated and celebrated. 

Aside from dangerous or illegal practices, once you start learning about BDSM in full, you’ll realise you are really not alone in your desires.  This in itself can help you dismantle some of that fearful shame that has accumulated in your head.  

Once you can read intelligent thought and see realistic visual representation relating to this ‘feels too naughty but I think I like it’ thing in your head, it will cease to become something spot taboo and start to become something tangible you can access.  

This leads fluidly into the next step which is finding someone you trust, either a partner, a friend you think may have some kink interest or knowledge and/or seeing a professional (Dominatrix, Mistress, Dom etc)  Once you feel you’ve found someone open minded or knowledgable that you can trust, it’s time to start having a conversations and asking questions about what you think you might like.

Much as seeing these naughty ideas written about makes them something real and official, talking about them almost instantly removes much of the fear and shame around them.  Suddenly, its not just your dirty idea but a dirty idea that others are willing to chat about and offer context and opinion on.  What could be more liberating than realising that licking and kissing the soles of someones high heels isn’t even considered weird within this world of BDSM?  Or that wanting someone to piss all over you and let you drink it, still isn’t considered that weird?!  Finding the sexual liberation in BDSM is a special kind of magic freedom and you won’t realise that until you do the research and start having the conversations with people who are either cool with sexually open conversations, those that have some insight or even better yet, a full sexy leg in that world.

Once you get used to chatting about those wonderfully perverted things you like and relishing in the fact that they are perverted (and that’s exactly what’s fun about them!) you will find a whole new way of interacting with all of your sexual desires, vanilla ones included.

If you can talk to someone about how to tie up your cock and spit in your mouth, imagine how easy it’s going to be to discuss what position feels better for your partner during sex, or whether they would like fingers included during the oral they’re receiving?   The benefits are far reaching when we start to break down shame around sex, kink and pleasure.

BDSM helps us face our fears and our shame around sex (and ourselves) and then helps force us to openly discuss them.  Discussion and consent (along with stop and safe words) are fundamental to any and all BDSM play elements and the positive effects they can have on our confidence, both sexually and otherwise, are astounding.  Not only can you come to terms with that ‘weird shit you like’ but you can have a laugh with just how weird you like it, find other people to enjoy it with and find freedom in your desires instead of shame.

Now go forth My horny friends, and bask in your kinky, sexual freedom!

Latex mistress, latex worship, bdsm slave
Mistress Aria is ready and waiting with your collar.

My top 10 tips for traveling with BDSM kink toys 😈

Hello friends, followers, perverts and slaves, I know from all the messages I’ve been getting that you do indeed miss Me! Where did I go?! I took some very much needed time off, not just away from the dungeon (hello Mexico!) but also time off from being online and being acessable.

Those that know and serve Me know that I value My personal time, above all else. And that putting Myself first, translates to a better connection with My slaves, subs and pets because a more balanced, happier Mistress has more energy, time and dedication to her craft. I am not afraid to take a week, a month or even longer ‘off’. Time off is a gift this industry allows Me and helps inspire and re-invigorate Me. I always come back with fresh ideas, terrible new predicaments and usually a few news toys or latex that I have ordered whilst away 😈

Similarly, I am not worried that those that truly enjoy what we have together or those that truly want to serve Me, will disappear. A luxury experience like seeing a Professional Dominatrix in a fancy dungeon is a special thing, often a special event in someones month. Now, some will want to try every Mistress once, always seeing someone new. Others will want to find one to commit to and the rest will fall somewhere in between, often serving a small handful throughout the year and over their lifetime. And all this is still subject to changes. How often you want to or can afford to session, who you session with and what your priorities are in deciding on your Mistress, are variables in the submissive’s world. Most of this is out of My control and I do not burden Myself with anxiety about clients coming or going. This is meant to be fun, after all, and if someone, Myself included, wants a break or wants a change of Disciplinarian or Goddess to worship, I encourage it! If you love them, let them go – if you respect them let them choose.

This is one of the reasons I do not accept all the session or slave training applications I receive (on average I accept around 40% of the applications that come through completed). I believe quality reigns supreme over quantity, not just for Me but for those that use their hard earned cash to have the privilege of serving Me. I want to be able to emotionally and intimately enjoy a BDSM domination session, and I can only do that if I not only enjoy the elements being asked of Me as well as the general energy I get from your application, how thorough you were, how detailed and polite etc. This gives Me an idea if our energies might match and whether to put you through to the ‘successful first step’ application pile. And beyond that, I also have to ask Myself, how thinly spread am I that week or month? Do I have the energy and capacity to fully give Myself to this new applicant? All of this factors in to who I say yes to and when we can proceed.

And from My submissive’s, slaves, pets and admirers alike, I expect the same respect and freedom to take time away, to be on holiday or even at home but focusing on My own D/s dynamics. Trust Me, the wait is worth it, you do not want a burnt out exhausted Mistress, who sighs when she preps the room and can’t wait to get home afterwards. You want your Mistress to feel fresh and hungry to devour you. And here I am, fresh, hungry and aching to have a naughty bottom under My well trained right hand…

I took a very extended time off period, starting before Christmas and continued time off when we decided to fly to Mexico City to start 8 weeks of traveling and holidaying in Mexico and Costa Rica. Some personal subs still had contact with Me and I updated My OnlyFans page with a lot of feet and wet bikini photos and videos but mostly I was completely off work. Spending money rather than earning money, being the recipient of a kinky dynamic rather than being the facilitator. I had sangria almost every day for lunch and barely fit into any of My corsets or bras anymore but isn’t that the point of vacationing? (yes!)

My holiday attire (and bum) in Cancun, Mexico (more on My fanpage and virtual play space)

While on holiday, we only had a few kink toys with us because of the length of our journey and how much we already had to pack that was normal (3kgs of sunscreen, anyone pale can relate to this!) but it did raise a few eyebrows and did get Me thinking about what are the best ways to travel with kinky items and what are the best things to bother adding that extra weight to your suitcase for….

So here are My top 10 tips for traveling with kinky toys including the top 5 things you should bother packing!

  1. Pack the kinky things in the checked luggage and swap out heavier ‘vanilla’ items to put in carry on to balance the weight limit. If you do get asked, simply smile and say it’s ‘fashion’ 😉
  2. Wrap your electrical or delicate toys in a bit of bubble wrap and then wrap in something soft that can protect it while airport staff throw your suitcases on and off of the plane.
  3. Take your own lube and keep it in a zip lock bag – it WILL leak but you will not be guaranteed of finding the lube that suits your play/toys in another country (and you don’t want to be running to a 7/11 while you’re beloved is tied to the bed at 1am!)
  4. When in your hotel or even airbnb, before you leave for dinner or sightseeing, please DO a quick tidy up and hide the toys! There will likely be a cleaner or turn down service and we want to save them the awkwardness of wondering where to place your very large, very round-headed ‘hair curler’ (kink 101 = don’t impose your kinks on the unsuspecting public!)
  5. Plan ahead – you will be busy and often quite tired when you end up back at your hotel each afternoon/evening. If you want to include kinky play on your trip, make the effort to schedule in time or at the very least, plan a couple of ‘no activity’ (and no heavy drinking) days so you have the time and energy to play together.
  6. So now, what toys do I think deserve to make the suitcase weight limit cut?! THE WAND. Seriously, just pack it. I know they weigh a lot, but they are more useful than that third pair of shoes you probably won’t even bother wearing.
  7. Rope – lighter than other restraints and bondage gear and the most versatile way to restrain someone.
  8. A gag. You might need more than your iphone playing the sex soundtrack to muffle some of those good sounds. Gags are fun and practical.
  9. Suction cup strap on dildos. Can be used with or without harness, with or without hands and look great stuck to a mirror waiting for one of you to back up onto it 😈
  10. At least one sexy, impractical outfit for both of you. Getting dressed up always helps fuel debauchery and even more fun when you wear some of it under normal clothes out to a nice lunch or dinner .

*BONUS tip – pack an extension cord with multiple plugs and just ONE travel adapter. Thank Me later 🙂

Suction cup dildo, a staple travel friendly kink toy

Top 5 things to do when Covid cock-blocks your kink!

As we, mere mortal are realising, Covid isn’t going anywhere and while the virus is getting (somewhat) weaker in strength, its also getting easier to transmit and catch. And so here we are, with our ball in our hands wondering what the fuck to do now Covid has begun to cock-blocked our fun?

Are you being cucked by Covid? Are your kinky, end of year desires, being strapped down and kept far away from you because of Omicron? Fear not, here are My top 5 things you can do to keep your kinky heart singing! Time for Me to become the Alpha and the Omega of your sexual dreams!±

  1. Tribute and reach out to your Mistress and ask if She will indulge you in a phone or Skype session.
  2. Lock, cage or strap up your private parts and go on a walk, a drive, or visit a gallery if they are open and it is safe to do so in your city (masks on, slaves!) No one but you will know just how kinky you are in your pants and nothing focus’s the mind quite like having your pussy locked up or cock strapped to your thigh!
  3. Wear latex under your normal clothes to Christmas dinner! Buyer beware, make sure it cannot poke out, we don’t want to unexpectedly and non consensually expose poor Grandma to our kinks! Latex underwear, shorts and vests are great options for this holiday season.
  4. Buy yourself or your Mistress a kinky Christmas present! New toys are always fun, if you can’t get out to see your Mistress in this period then buy yourself or your Dominant something fun, better yet buy you both something. A toy for you and your Dominant to share when you finally can see each other and a toy for you to indulge in some luxurious self play. Maybe your Mistress will even guide your greedy mind…
  5. Follow Mistress Aria’s DAILY FESTIVE MANTRA!
    Strip – Kneel – Bow your head to the floor, reach back and pull your asscheeks apart. Picture Me in your mind, standing over you, My heel pressing your back into the floor and repeat this thirteen times (no rushing, take your time, enjoy the greedy sensation just saying these words creates at your entrance…)
    “I give my submission and my hole to Mistress Aria!”

Double Vaccinated & ready for more Double Domme

Hello friends, kinksters, perverts and the nosey ones that enjoy reading My sporadic blogging, how are we all doing today? This is just a short little post basically to celebrate the fact that I am double vaccinated (t minus 2 weeks until the second jab becomes fully effective) and have been blessed by the BDSM Goddess’ that I have finally been able to share Double Domme sessions with My favourite Mistress in the biz (and I can’t contain My excitement!)

This has and is a long, confusing, overwhelming and weird time. As a self employed, world traveling artist, I would say theoretically, I was the most prepared kind of person when the pandemic first hit. In the sense that I was used to sitting at home doing nothing and not earning money for long, extended, confusing, overwhelming and stressful periods of time. My life has been a weird mix of these elements for some time which has been the payoff I receive for total freedom in My life. I have always given up the regular, expectant income and structure of ‘normal’ life with a normal regular job to be able to be (geographically) where ever I want to be, wake up when I want to wake up, do yoga, meditate, go back to bed or decide to do work that time. Freedom was My valued payoff for the irregular way My schedule would ebb and flow with both work, income and security. The worst part about the start pandemic was the total abrupt stop of all and future income coupled with a rude snatching away of the travel freedom I have so long enjoyed.

But now, almost two years on from the start, the effect has changed, waned and evolved to interrupt and disrupt My life and My freedoms in other ways (and all of the same ones listed above, compounded too.) And I know everyone, across all industries, is feeling similar levels of exhaustion and frustration. The new normal is a hard pill to swallow especially when it itself keeps changing. There is no constant, there is no new normal. There is – this normal, then the next one, then three steps backward, oh lets start again and now lets change this one major part of the second to last normal you just got used to – phew! Tired even trying to type out what we have all been experiencing.

For these long winded and self indulgent reasons, I am bloody excited to have been able to receive My second dose of the vaccine to be well on My way to being apart of the (hopeful) solution/adaptable way to combat this giant pain in all of our asses that we call, the Covid Pandemic of 2020 (and beyond…)

It’s thrilling to feel like we can do something other than complain and although vaccines are (weirdly) controversial these days (remember kindergarten? Vaccinations were a part of the deal to getting to go to school, like they are a part of the deal of getting to go to many countries – they really do just help and are required to join society en mass sometimes, duh) a vaccine to a world wide pandemic flu really does seem to be the smartest and easiest thing, to get on board with.

So here I am, feeling slightly smug and slightly safer for both Myself, My clients and society at large. Not so secretly hoping everyone gets as turned on as Me thinking about how once we are all vaccinated we can go back to having fun, traveling to see friends, family, live music, art, events (oh and all the pegging and pissing on one another once again!). I say once again for that last bit, but actually I just mean much more often and with less risks, less shut down periods etc. because luckily for us in the UK we have been able to (self test) and re-open dungeons for quite a while and I personally have been doing a fair bit of pegging and pissing on all kinds of people.

Now that the double vaccination excitement is out of My system, time to share the double Domination part of this blog, something that has been as exciting! I’ve been back and forth to London for lately and finally been able to indulge in some luxurious and very debauched Double Domme sessions with one of My favourite women, Mistress Adreena.

Adreena has been a long time friend and one of the first and most supportive people when it came to Me considering bringing My kink into the world of Pro Domming. I have admired, perved and generally lusted over Adreena for literal years on end and am always blown away by her dedication, aesthetic and empathetic approach to BDSM. Spending any time with one of the most hottest and smartest women you know is one thing, but to get to share energy and space within session with someone you admire, desire, value and are inspired by is another level of fuck yes.

A few smart boys booked us for double Domination sessions on My last visit and were rewarded with our eagerness. Palpable chemistry is a good way to describe the connection between Mistress Adreena and I. Two hours in a hotel vanished like 30 minutes talking to anyone else and two hours in the dungeon sped by like time does when you are having (naughty, naughty) fun.

We had so much fun, that in all our naughty time together we straight up forgot to take one single photo. It used to be that taking a photo was proof you had a good time, now so often, not taking any photos is the truest sign of having real, in the moment fun with someone you enjoy, don’t you agree?

One of Mistress Adreena’s regular slaves asked to for a double Domination session revolving around mouthy school boy getting spit roasted as his degenerate detention scene and has even written his experience down in his blog. A wonderful and salacious read, full of sordid details and sometimes verbatim humiliation and female domination! (also, word to the wise, this is what a good submissive/slave is – loyal but open and honest about seeing other Goddess’, always communicative and truly curious to explore any and all of what BDSM can offer him/Us!)

As I am writing this I have just secured a new hotel in London for My second visit in as many months. BDSM sessions are limited due to pre booked sessions and other commitments and joys of normal life, but if the idea of kneeling before Mistress Adreena and Myself gets you all hot, bothered (and maybe twitching thinking of how our feet hitting your cock and balls or how our hands wrapped around your throat and mouth might feel…) do not hesitate to contact Me to see if you can secure one last Double Domme session before I really have to say goodbye to London (until likely October/November).

Do your best to try and impress Me with your tastes and what you can offer Us, as I said, spaces are limited and we reserve the right to do whatever the fuck we want!

London, UK – BDSM sessions open!

Finding time, be it personal, work, creative or otherwise is so hard sometimes, isn’t it? I have felt particularly stretched at all ends after lockdown ended. I am sure everyone has been feeling their own version of this. After life inside, life online, and so many events, commitments, ideas and work was put on hold, it’s no surprise the sudden rush of DOING ALL THE THINGS has made us all feel a little worn out and dare I say, burnt out?

Burn out is a pretty hot buzzword and probably rightly so. We are all noticing how much and how hard we work and in this very digital age, how much work we take home and keep in our pocket (or more realistically, in our hands, at all given times). There really is no rest for the modern and final we are acknowledging how this constant stream of information and engagement isn’t sustainable.

I am rambling here but it’s My blog and I’ll ramble if I want to! The reason I mention all of this is because of the creative and kinky burn out I felt after launching Myself on the pro side of Dominating. All the online launch really took it out of Me. First it was the website, the twitter, the photos and the email templates. Then it was online content, understanding each platform, filming, editing, promoting. Then for Me it was realising how much the online stuff just IS NOT for Me. I don’t enjoy it and I am a private person by Nature. I enjoy curating what others can see, but when it comes to Femdom clip stores, you need to be showing a LOT of what we do behind closed doors. Even if its just talking alone to camera about JOI or CEI – that felt way too exposed for My behind closed doors love of kink. So I stopped. And boy does that feel good!

Just as I closed the online door, April appeared and real time sessions were flung open! And boy, did I make the most of that. Multiple sessions each day for 2-4 days a week! Making the most of it and over extending ourselves are pretty closely related, I would now say 🙂

In all of this, I have once again found My own, personal groove. It is not pumping out content online. It is also not, pumping out real time sessions beyond what is truly enjoyable.

With all this said, I am back to prioritising My own time (and My own kink with My own lover) and scheduling real time sessions between My real life! So what’s with the London, UK blog post title? Here is where it gets fun for YOU submissive, slaves and newbies wanting to explore BDSM. London dates are now confirmed and I am currently taking bookings for July 8-11 and July 15-18 in North London (with very limited spaces available.)

Wondering what we might do, if you are lucky enough to kneel before My perfect feet? Well, My favourite and most beloved practices are the ones you will also enjoy the most. Over the knee spanking, impact play, caning, whipping and anything involving naughty bottoms and the array of implements in My carry on are guaranteed to put a smile and a wince on your face…

Speaking of My perfect feet, foot, high heel and boot worship are always on My menu. Let Me indulge your greatest fantasy with the ultimate petite, soft, supple and tattooed feet smothering your face and trampling your body. Yes your tongue and mouth will be used, and yes you can beg to massage them.

Bondage, tease and tie, humiliation, torment – leave your world and your mind at the door pet, it’s time to step into My world and release all of your inhibitions….

Toilet games are the ultimate escape from the rigid, normalcy of life, aren’t they? And I think London is the perfect place to indulge in the utmost debauchery, the filthiest of filth and the epitome of subjugation. Be well aware, this is a rare and exclusive kind of session and insures an extra charge of £100 on top of My usual tribute costs.

Booking deposits are required, as per usual. Priority is given to multi hour sessions. Would you like to apply to submit to Me, your superior? Send your application here.

How do you find the right BDSM Dominatrix/Mistress? (and why I might not be the one for you)

Choosing the right Mistress for your exploration and deepening of your BDSM journey is even more important than the toys you might like picked out for your session. Thankfully the internet is a wonderful, powerful tool almost all of us have at our disposal (and in our pockets today) so finding a Dominatrix for your kinky desires has never been easier! But with all this information, thousands of options, pages and pages of BDSM and kink content, it can also be a little over whelming and even over saturated. How do you go about finding the FemDomme of your dreams amongst all of this kinky noise?

The first place we usually start is by typing in our location, which is the most helpful thing anyone can do when trying to find any service. Having a look in London, Leeds, Birmingham, Manchester, Chester etc to see who the Mistress; are, what they look like and what they offer is a fun, informative and easy way to start your search. Beyond this however, your search style needs to be refined and you need to know what you are looking for. Searching for Manchester or London Dominatrix will send back tens if not hundreds of names, images and options. And just because someone is beautiful, sexy, has expensive latex or professional photos does NOT mean they are the right Mistress for you. So what does the right Mistress for you even mean?

If your’e a seasoned player or experienced slave you will likely know a lot about what you like, what you don’t like and what kind of session content and rhythm you enjoy most. If you are somewhat new to the world of kink then a good way to start is to write down the things you think you’re interested in as well as a list of things you’ve heard of/seen but don’t really understand AND a list of things you definitely don’t want to try (hard limit list). Next, you could write a list of things you think would be important if you saw a professional Dominatrix. Things like, wears latex, big boobs, not too young, likes wearing boots, stern, mean or kind. This will help you build a better idea of what kind of Mistress is your dream Mistress.

Once you feel like you have a good idea of what kind of BDSM Mistress you want, have a look at your areas Mistress’ and make sure you really read what it says on their websites. One of the biggest mistakes clients make is not reading our websites and then writing to us because they are physically attracted to us, asking for services we simple don’t provide or kinks we don’t offer. We spend a fair bit of time, money and energy creating and updating our websites for the exact purpose of giving you all the information you will need to know if we are the one for you!

Now, lets get into the nitty gritty of how to know if a Mistress is really, the right one for you.

A great looking, latex clad Mistress might seem like your ideal, she might even mention foot worship in their list of likes but is there more to finding a good BDSM connection than those mentioned? Can you find anywhere on their website that gives you an insight into how they conduct their sessions and what kind of Mistress they are? I am not talking about the list of like and kinks they have on their website, but what can you find about their personality? Look for words that tell you a little about a Domme’s personality because believe Me (and not your hard on) latex, sexy body and a pretty face are not he main things when you are tumbling down the rabbit hole of BDSM kink.

Look for words associated with her session style – traditional, sensual, tactile, strict, sadistic, harsh, heavy, intense – these all tell slightly different stories about the way they will conduct. Traditional generally means no touching of the Mistress and no sex with the Mistress along with traditional protocols (honorific must be used, behavioural correction, slave conduct). Sensual and tactile are words that allude to a Mistress that will touch you (intimately or non intimately) and be close and sensual with the way they dominate you. Strict, sadistic, harsh and intense are words you would be encouraged to take seriously as less sensual, less soft types of sessions and more focused on pushing limits, playing with pain etc. See, there is so much you can learn just by properly reading the website of the Dominatrices you find!

But what about personality? Keep reading and you will likely see hints of whether the Mistress is kind and caring or strictly sadistic and cold. Is their persona more of a sultry Goddess or are they the meanest mean bitch ever that will only ever spit on and make fun of you. Do they cater for newbies, do they have an age limit? *Pro tip* If you see role playing amongst their likes you can always ask for certain behavioural traits to be played out too!

All of these things will help you really pin point who is the right Dominatrix for you.

As for Me? Well if you are looking for a mean girl, I can play the role but My traditional, tactile and strict style of Domination lends itself to caring and nurturing as well as sensual and intense. If you want a school bully, you’ll have to request a role play session with Me because I am naturally tending towards empathy, eroticism, mind fucking and corporal punishment.

split tongue, machester mistress
Sensual, sadistic, tactile and traditional Dominatrix

Top 5 fetish’s I get asked to perform vs MY top 5 sessions I love to facilitate (and why they are not what you expect!)

Hello curious readers, this morning I have decided to take you on a journey of the most common kinks and fetish’s I get requests for, and then compare them to the ones I truly love to facilitate. There is luckily, a fairly large overlap with the things I get requests for and the things I enjoy most. And let us not confuse what I like most with the only things I like. I do not engage in any fetish’s that are not at least somewhat enjoyable to Me. After all, I am in charge of everything when it comes to My femdom world so if someone applies to serve Me with a kink I do not enjoy or perhaps do not have the proper training for, I will send them on to a Domina friend who is more suited to their needs.

So often I have applications roll in with careful annotations within the text asking if this in fact, an ok fetish to have, whether it is too weird for Me to accept or if it is even acceptable in essence to be put in written form. I always assure new enquiring minds that their chosen kinks are in fact, not too weird and usually the thing I get asked for the most.

So what does this Dominatrix get asked to engage in the most?

  • Foot/heel worship – one of the gateway drugs of BDSM (ha ha ha!) foot worship is as old as the word fetish. Something about grovelling at someones feet is deeply tied into the fabric of hierarchy in society so it’s no surprise that those inclined to want to submit to an all powerful female figure, gravitate to Her feet and wanting to rub, touch, kiss and lick them. I also find that those that include foot worship in their list of ‘likes’ tend to be the submissive kind not just the kinky fantasist wanting to get off in a dungeon, kind. I do very much approve.
  • Water Sports – if you are unsure what this means, then this is extra fun for Me to write! Water sport refers to being pissed on and / or drinking the said pee pee. Everyone thinks they are the freakiest request I’ve had all year when they gently ask about this but it is in fact the MOST requested kink for Me! Again, being below a superior figure lends itself to the idea of submission and so to have the superior piss on you, furthers the feeling of being less than, of serving and being utterly below them. For some its a form of humiliation (don’t think I have to explain that one) but for others its an intense and intimate experience. Bearing witness to such a private moment is an extreme and unlikely privilege, so those that do, revel in it.
  • Strap on worship – more often than not the obsession with My strap on is to suck and worship it rather than be pounded by it for hours. Although sometimes the two do combine.
  • Full toilet training – now I’ve revealed what water-sports means, if that blew your mind you may want to stop reading right now. I won’t go into detail because I just won’t, but the clue is in the title. Fully being used, as a toilet. Training to take it all. It is what and not what you expect, all rolled into one. An expensive and debaucherous affair, one of My top five requests.
  • Orgasm control – often rolled into a broader session that involves some kind of tie and tease, orgasm control is something that relinquishes the power and control from the organ haver and hands it over, quite literally to Me, the Mistress to command, deny, ruin or fulfil (in ANY way I see fit)

But what are the top 5 sessions I wish for?!

  • Water-sports – luckily for Me my MOST requested session is also My absolute favourite session to offer! There is something powerful about being paid to piss all over someone, knowing the pleasure I am giving them is secondary only to knowing I’m being paid so much for My literal waste. The ultimate ‘femdom’ flex in My humble opinion.
  • OTK – not a serial killer abbreviation but short for Over the Knee spanking! A very tried and tested wholesome scene, literally over My knee and having a good old naughty bottom spanking.
  • Impact/whipping – I absolutely love the ease of tieing, bending over or hanging someone up and letting My imagination rule in which ways and with which implements will I warm them up, build the pace, increase the intensity and bring them to the brink of their limits for a whole session. Pure, unadulterated impact fun. I am feeling relaxed and turned on just writing about it 🙂
  • Tickle torture – rarely requested but by far one of the most wholesome kinds of sessions! Often combined with something naughty as well (foot fetish, orgasm torture, chastity etc) tickling someone is just so much fun. Of course I will bind, tie and restrain you so it is also a bondage experience, with a giggling twist.
  • Mummification – bondage can lead to this but pure mummification is a mediative experience for the client and Myself combined. Sensory and physical deprivation of all senses and surroundings, it’s like a kinky float tank. Sometimes this also involves some teasing, edging or orgasm control but often it is purely an escape. An escape in a latex vacuum bed, latex suit and hood, leather bondage bag or good old plastic wrap, gag and gaffer tape, ahhh the relaxation is mutual My friends.

And there you have it – are you surprised by these results and reasonings? Or are you ever more tempted to go to My booking page and request My attention…?

Impact Play – one of My true loves

Welcome back (to the Dungeon)!

It’s April and that means we are legally aloud to be open!

Spring has sprung in Manchester and your Mistress is finally back in a dungeon, latex and lubricant has never felt so good!

The Manchester Chambers in Ashton and the Fetish emporium in Eccles have both welcomed Me with open arms and hand sanitiser. All COVID-19 regulations are followed and then some, the effort and consideration of the Mistress’ and dungeon owners cannot be overlooked or over appreciated. Impressed and thankful that these wonderful, open minded places are still up and running are understatements.

During the break, the Manchester Chambers has undergone some beautiful changes. A brand new Sissy room coming along beautifully as well as room 3 being trusted with My ideas and handy work! Room 3 is now a luxurious gold and black den of sexual desires and darkest perversions!

It feels like it has been so long, My first session back I spent a good hour and a half in the rooms reacquainting Myself with the space. Luckily I’ve been blessed with a full April of dungeon bookings so I didn’t feel too green for too long.

I’ve met some wonderful new slaves already and am already planning subsequent sessions with more than a few of them. My sadistic heart is warmed when I find a true connection with someone as they kneel at My feet.

Can women enjoy being Dominated without it being a problematic symptom of the toxic Patriarchy?

If you follow Me on Twitter you’ll know that I a) have very few followers because although the Domme is not, the account is new and b) I speak My mind, I am as assertive as I am confident.

I recently happened upon a discussion revolving around but not limited to, consent, dating apps and the unhealthy (and untrue) constant link between kink/fetish play and violence against women.

The original post was from a verified twitter user and professional writer/journalist. She had written an article for one of the sites she contributes to detailing an experience she personally had, on a dating app, and it was titled “A man asked if he could ‘slap’ and ‘spit’ on me” – we need to stop normalising sexual violence against women.”

I was shocked, not because a man had tactlessly suggested engaging in some rather advanced kink to an unwilling vanilla woman via a dating app (read: bad form My dudes!) but because of the scary knee jerk reaction, said vanilla woman had to it.

I am a feminist (duh) and a Pro Female Dominant. I’m both pro women and pro kink and I am against violence against women, it’s abhorrent, obviously, but correlating kinky things like spitting and slapping with normalising violence against women is a hop, skip and a jump My friends.

Not to mention that the kinky content was prefixed by a question asking for, wait for it…. consent! My mind, audibly, boggled where I sat.

What I was reading was an article, and replies, brandishing any man who asks (albeit tactlessly as a first message on a dating app, I mean come on dude? Not the time or place to bring up BDSM wants and needs… but I digress) a proprietor and part-of-the-problem of violence against women. Wild.

Asking someone ‘are you ok with ___?’ is called consent and it is something we have been harping on about for A LONG FUCKING TIME. I was shocked that someone asking for consent, regardless of kinky context, was being bashed. What twitter-verse was I in?

I agree that the first time you chat or message someone is not the ideal time to ask about slapping or spitting on them during sex and it’s probably the least likely route to getting a positive response. Let’s miss that part. What I couldn’t miss was the fact that the article itself, in it’s aggressively click bait title, heralded the consent part! It was literally IN the title, the part where he asked consent about what would be ok for the receiver in a sexual context.

I couldn’t help but reply tweet My genuine confusion. The first and (to My mind main) argument the author of said article fired My way was that she ‘didn’t consent to being asked that question!’ the moral shockwave was evident here folks and I had to remind her that on dating apps, whether (morally) right or wrong, we all culturally accept that a lot of folk are using it for locating a sexual partner. Hook up culture is a cultural thing and dating apps are well known apparatus of such.

Can you be offended or need consent, just to engage in sexual discussions on tinder/hinge/bumble/etc? I mean sure you can, but you are probably using the wrong app for what you are really searching for.

The twitter arguments got heated, I moved past the obvious issue with calling out someone for asking for the thing we always harp on about (consent) and continued to point out that spitting on and slapping of faces are an integral part of consensual kink for some people, and gasp shock horror – even some women!

The retort was as worrying as the article at hand – if men enjoy this it’s a deeply seeded problem but if there are women who enjoy this, then its an even greater issue that spans society at large.

Well hey there kink-shaming, fancy seeing you here! As a kinky woman (hello, we exist and we aren’t all submissive just as we aren’t all Dominant, wild concepts I know) I tried to share My experience both personal and professional and encourage consensual kink as a healthy practice and not indicative of deep, dangerous, violence against women issues. In My mind, the fact that I, as a professional Dominant woman, get paid to spit on and slap men about the face for their pleasure, was in itself proof that kink wasn’t just about violence towards women (I’m sure they missed the part that consensual kinky play and tastes within BDSM aren’t actually related to real violence either)

It became clear that I, as someone with firsthand experience at something that was being written about in an official context (verified user writing for mainstream online magazine) was not really being heard, or listened to. Not in the way you hear someone and take in what they are saying, not the way you believe someone at their experiences. The author was very sure of her summary and assumptions about kink, BDSM and what consent is within these contexts, although with their vanilla leaning and clear kink shaming replies, clearly showed very little to no experience in any of those things. I was tweeting into the void.

And so it reminded Me of how very far we’ve come, but also, how goddamn far we have to go! It wasn’t that long ago that women were shamed for even wanting to or experiencing pleasure! We are still fighting the stigma that women who enjoy sex aren’t evil, slutty succubi.

God forbid you ask whether your kinky preferences match those of the new stranger your messaging on a dating app known for its Hookup Culture™ and sex matching, because hell fire and kink shame shall rain down upon you!

Jokes aside, this is a pretty important topic for Me. Both as a human, woman and a Pro Dominatrix. I wanted to share some of My thoughts here and ask you, what do you think.

Can women enjoy being slapped in the face or spat on or does that mean they are damaged lost souls that are unwittingly contributing to the real threat of violence against women?

5 Things to take away from this?

  • Vanilla people are sometimes inclined to marry BDSM practices with real life violent acts and it’s an ongoing journey to retrain those thoughts.
  • Violence towards women is horrible but wanting to spit on a woman during consensual kinky sex doesn’t mean your a damaged or dangerous individual.
  • Some women like being dominated, slapped, spat on (and worse) and it doesn’t make them damaged or dangerous individuals.
  • Consent is king and we should celebrate it ALL the time, even when timing and phrasing can be improved (don’t ask to spit on someone on your first tinder message, ok kids?
  • Twitter is fun but kink shaming is not! Don’t tell people that consensual and harmless sexual preferences mean they are contributing to toxic, societal issues. Not cool.

Hedonistic in Helsinki

Seeing as dungeon sessions, spanking sessions, kinky dates and indulgent BDSM events are forbidden under current conditions, I’ve decided this week’s blog post is going to be a tiny throwback to reminisce My hedonistic time in Helsinki. Specifically, a remote date with My devoted sub, cuck R.

The only picture cuck received that I can share here…

Cuck R got the idea to have a remote date after his trip to London to session with Me in person was sadly cancelled due to the emerging pandemic. Since he knew I was in Helsinki, and that there were no restrictions that would impact fine dining in the Finnish capital, he requested to spend an evening with Myself and My partner/Dom remotely.

After agreeing to My conditions and price, I made a reservation at a beautiful and quintessential Helsinki restaurant, smack bang in the centre of it’s main promenade, Esplanadi.

Whilst I was excited to indulge at My cuckhold’s expense, our remote date started way before the dinner began.

R knows that I, as a rather traditional style and very private Dominatrix, do not share, post (or Skype/real time session) topless or nude, so My bathtime, champagne in hand skype date with him meant he saw nothing intimate but knew it was all there, beneath the cleverly places candles and flowers. Ever tormenting his mind, hinting at what he dreams to see, never dares to even think about touching, is right there, hidden in plain sight.

But he is always respectful of the fact that Skyping with Me, even whilst taking a bath, doesn’t mean he gets to see Me nude. A respectful submissive always gets more than a boundary pusher (who is usually punished in the not so fun ways or thrown out of My realm completely) and My cuckhold enjoyed the flashes of My nude back, ass and tattooed skin, sending his heart racing.

After My makeup and lingerie was applied, I sent cuck R a surprise image that included My just applied red lipsick and something else… Something so titillating, it would lock him into hours of sexual frustration and excitement at the mere thought of it.

Dinner was delicious, two courses only as we had naughty plans for our post dinner section of the date. Throughout the meal cuck R received images of the lovely vegetarian fine dining he was paying for us to enjoy. Good little cuck, facilitating a real woman enjoying a real man and all that entails. All at the cuck’s expense, the only kind of submission a cuck deserves to offer.

Once the meal was eaten and the champagne emptied, we said kittos (thank you) and moikka (goodbye) to the restaurant staff (last to leave, of course) and headed back to our airbnb.

But My night was far from over. Our evening had just begun and we were planning a tormenting audio only call to a lowly cuck to solidify our night at his expense…

One of My favourite memories from Helsinki, indulgent, sadistic and ever so kinky. A perfect BDSM date with My submissive cuckhold, who I am quite fond of, despite his total lack of manhood!

Does this excite you? Would you like to enquire about whether you are worthy of a remote date? Dare you ask, if I would allow you to listen to the sounds of erotic intimacy? If your mind is swimming with thoughts of joining Me for a date, watching Me apply My lipstick, knowing exactly where it’s going to end up, and all on your dime… you can approach Me via the booking form and then it’s up to Me, whether you are worthy of such an event. Be forewarned, remote dates are not guaranteed to every submission. Elite experiences are dished out when and how I see fit. Remember that, perverts, and have enjoy your dreams tonight!