Psychological domination

Psychological domination is the part of this work I most enjoy, and it is the part that sits awkwardly in a list of activities, because what it actually consists of is me paying a very great deal of attention to you and then using what I find.

“Obedience is just the start. When you give up control of your body, you let me into your mind.”

What I notice about you

I like to poke around in there, noticing where you haven't connected the dots, the conditioning you picked up from somewhere and have never once examined, the places where the reason you give yourself for something and the real reason have never been introduced to each other. A surprising amount of that is visible in the first hour or two, in what you volunteer unprompted and in what you walk carefully around, and I am usually quietly entertained by it long before I say anything to you about it.

None of this requires you to be articulate, by the way, and it works just as well on somebody who arrives with no idea why he is here as it does on the man who has written me three pages of self-analysis, probably better.

Why there is no single way out

There is a picture I keep coming back to for this one. Think of the unexamined parts of yourself as faint beacons of light in a dark cave, hundreds of them, dotted about like stars in constellations, some in little clusters and others sparse and barely connected to anything at all. Each one is a path to the surface, except that the surface is not one constant place either, so a pinprick of light that enlarges and leads you out is not leading you to a single destination, it is one of many, and some of those are joined up like land masses across a border while others are islands of their own.

Those paths are there whether you ever find them or not, and your life will not get any worse for leaving them where they are. It will change when you go looking, and you can't really conceive of how yet, because how much of the world you can perceive is tied to how far you have gone into yourself, and expanding the land mass that is your self tends to reveal that the solid reality you were standing on was a projection of the person you had decided you were.

What is actually on offer

Self-knowledge, which is a very dry word for something that does not feel dry in the slightest when it is happening to you on your knees. Once you start knowing yourself the way you know your closest friend, as a flawed and wonderful combination of all the versions they have been, the version they are now and the versions you can see coming that they cannot yet rather than as any fixed idea of a person, you get to experience being alive in a way that feels like you are doing it properly for the first time.

What a session like this involves

It opens with a conversation, because I need to hear how you talk about yourself before I can do anything useful with it, and I listen to the shape of it as much as the content. After that it can take almost any outward form: instruction and protocol, questions you have to answer out loud, tasks set and then marked, control handed over for small decisions you are used to making without noticing, anticipation stretched far past the point of comfort, and whatever physical play we have agreed on running underneath all of it. The outward form is the least interesting part of it to me. What I am doing while it happens is watching for the moment when something you told me on the way in stops being true.

These sessions reward length, and a first one has a lot of talking in it, so most of what makes it land tends to arrive after the first hour rather than in it.

Mind games, and what people mean by them

Plenty of people arrive having searched for mind games, which is a perfectly good phrase for it as long as nobody mistakes the word game for something careless. Everything here is negotiated first, you have a word that pauses the whole thing and keeps working for the entire session including for things you agreed to an hour earlier, and I am not interested in leaving you anywhere I found you. If you would like the physical version of the same instinct, OTK and traditional discipline is where that lives, and the two go together very well indeed. If the word that has been following you around is humiliation rather than control, erotic humiliation is its own page.

If none of this sounds like you yet

Then say so plainly when you write to me. Most of the people who end up in these sessions did not arrive with the vocabulary for any of it, they arrived knowing only that being told what to do does something to them that they cannot explain to anybody, and wanting somebody to find that interesting rather than odd. If you are worried that you are too ordinary for this, you aren't, and you would be shocked at what you are going to beg for more of.

What to put in your first message

Tell me what draws you to this, whether you have done anything like it before, and anything you already know you do not want. I see people at my own space in Canary Wharf and I also work from elsewhere in London, and if you are somewhere else in the UK I tour and I take outcalls, so tell me where you are coming from, a deposit of fifty per cent confirms the date, and the exact address comes to you once it is received.

Questions people ask

What is psychological domination?

It is domination worked through attention and instruction rather than through the body alone, where what I am using on you is what I have noticed about you.

Do I need to be experienced for a psychological domination session?

No, and it works just as well on somebody who arrives with no idea why he is here as it does on a man who has written three pages of self-analysis.

Is there physical play in these sessions too?

There can be, and usually there is, with whatever we have agreed on running underneath the rest of it.

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